BaffledExperts.com

$600 or so buys a nice bike. You really don’t need to spend more than $800. But go to a real bike store–one that sells only bikes, not bikes and sporting goods, not bikes and milk. Trust me.

Here’s a secret. Almost all bikes are made in the same four factories, I hear. They’re in Taiwan.

Almost all components are made by Shimano.

So, it doesn’t really matter what brand you get. At any given price, they’re all the same, more or less. Here is what I would buy, if I were you.

1. I would buy a double-butted chromoly frame. Double butted aluminum is fine, too, but (CroMo) steel is real.
2. I would, honestly, buy a hybrid, if I were you.
3. I would get shocks.
4. I would get as few speeds as is reasonable, 18, say. More is not better. More is worse.
5. I would get mid-range Shimano components. I wouldn’t pay extra for anything better than Deore.
6. If the brakes do not say someone’s name on them, don’t buy the bike. It’s probably not good.
7. If you get a roadie, I would get 700 double-walled wheels with good kevlar tires. If a hybrid, 700 or 26.
8. I would buy the NY Lock at MEC.

Now, explained:

1) Bike frames are made of three kinds of metal.

• High tension steel (super cheap, super bad, CCM),
• Chromoly steel (more expensive, very good as a rule)
• Aluminum (from very bad to very good)

“Double butted” means the tubes are stronger in the parts that need to be strong and weaker in the parts that don’t. For you, it means someone cared about making a good bike. Plus, if you go in and ask for a Cromo frame, the bike shop will know you’re serious.

2) Road bikes are great. I have one. It’s super, super fast. But it’s also hard to ride for a long time, has only one brake, has no speeds, and will destroy me with glee if I do not stay focused like a zen monk. Other road bikes are much more forgiving, of course. Touring bikes are like old horses. The trouble is that road bikes come in all sorts of breeds, from pit-bull to old lab. They also tend to be expensive.

A nice touring hybrid has been designed for people like you. It will be forgiving and will brake well in the rain. It will be more comfy. You could get a road bike like this, but you might not. A good shop will set you straight, no doubt, but if you’re buying in Ottawa, you won’t know if you have a good shop until 6 months after you bought the bike. Also, see 3.

3) Get shocks. Road bikes never have them. Commuting bikes do. I had a commuter without shocks, and I swore that I would never be so foolish again. Then I bought a bike without gears, shocks, or brakes. Oh well. Don’t follow my example. Front shocks, mind you. Don’t get back shocks. They sap your power, are heavy, and (unless expensive) break.

4) More than 12 speeds is a waste, and they get fiddly. More than 24 speeds is getting kooky.

5) The components are the brakes, the gears, the things you push with your thumbs (shifters), the things that do the shifting (derailleurs). You can spend thousands on components, or you can spend almost nothing. But, here’s the catch, bike manufacturers get wicked discounts, so if you pay a little now, you won’t have to replace them at great expense later.

Shimano makes almost all components. They make shit ones and really good ones. Just ask the salesman for middle of the range, Deore or below, but not the bottom of the barrel. “Deore” is Shimano’s good shit, and it comes in different flavours, too. The bottom-end Deore is very good, maybe too good for your purposes. It’s also expensive.

6) Make sure the brakes say someone’s name on them. Bad brakes are nameless and silver. For god’s sake, do NOT get disc brakes. Life is hard enough.

7) 700 wheels are big. 26s are smaller. 700s are also called 27s, which is a little more sensible. Get wheels that aren’t too thin and aren’t too fat. Thin is fast and not comfy. Fat is sloooow. The easiest way to make a faster bike is to get smooth(ish) tires. Good tires are worth the extra money. I bought cheap tires and paid $75 in cab rides before I got good tires that didn’t pop. Kevlar is a fabric in the tire that stops it from popping. Don’t underestimate how important the tires are. Good tires cost between $30 and $60 at retail, so you don’t want to buy two to replace your shitty ones.

“Double walled” means the wheels have, well, two walls. You can’t tell without looking under the tire, so ask. Two walls make the wheels stronger. Single walls are cheap but deform. I’m big, so I must have double walls. You could live with singles. Alex makes good cheap(ish) wheels. Everybody knows who Alex is.

Bike shops make money on accessories, not bikes. They’ll try to sell you a $100 Kryptonite lock. Don’t buy one. They’re no better than the MEC NY Lock, which is a Kryptonite imitation. While you’re at MEC, get an air horn. They’re awesome.

That’s all I know about bikes on one easy page.