29: Tate shiho gatame (full mount)
Tate shiho gatame (full mount) is an excellent position from which to finish a fight, but I find it a somewhat difficult position to maintain. It’s easy if my opponent is bucking; I slide my knees up into his arm pits and shuffle my bum onto his chest to reduce the amplitude I am subjected to. But if he is more sensible and rolls from side to side, I find it a bit tricky. The key is to use your arms and legs to 'post'. The trick, though, is to not get caught, swept, or lose position as you loosen the grip on your opponent. If you find yourself often getting rolled, it's likely because you are too far down his belly. Move up.
Watch for two openings. First, when you are mounted, your opponent will almost certainly try to get you off by pushing into your pecs or chest. Let him--and let him straighten his own arm. When he does so, trap it and step over his face with your leg on the same side as his arm. Maintaining a good grip on his wrist, fall back gently into juji gatame--cross armlock. And congratulate yourself. This beautiful submission is as fabulous as judo gets.
There are a few techniques to make this spectacular finish more effective. I find it very difficult to get my foot all the way over his face in a smooth movement (and without kicking my adversary). The key is to lead with one’s knee instead of one’s foot. Also, to get a good armlock, you need to have your bum quite a bit farther under his shoulder than seems really necessary. You can get this by pulling up on his arm as you step over his face. Lifting his shoulder gives you a bit more space to get under him when you come down. Finally, you may also find that your opponent tries to roll into you to escape the lock. Try to prevent this by hooking his head with your ankle. Finish the lock by raising your hips and pulling with your arms. You should be able to dislocate his elbow over your inner thigh.
The other opening occurs when your opponent rolls to his stomach. Again, let him. When he turtles like this, he is exposing himself as the most inbred idiot offspring that the rules of judo have yet begat.
Judoka turtle because they are allowed to. In competition, the referee will stand up a turtled fighter almost immediately so that the fight can start again. This rule, and this practice, is enormously, absolutely immensely stupid. It is stupid because unless one is fighting a bear (and losing) turtling exposes everything one would like to protect. It exposes one’s head to kicks, one’s neck to chokes, and one’s dignity to ridicule. It is the antithesis of judo purely practiced. It is cowardice.
If your opponent turtles, take his back. Your goal will be to roll him over so that you can choke him unconscious and teach him a lesson about how real men fight. Put your chest on his shoulder blades to hold him in position. Reach over his left shoulder with your left hand, and grab a piece of lapel. Standing up a little if necessary, stick your right foot in beside his ribs.
The trickiest part is this: you need to ’get a hook in’. You need, in other words, to get your foot jammed in the crease of his groin. If he is sensible, he will try to prevent this. Start by taking a nice strong grip on the back of his neck with your right hand. Pick your opponent up a little, and then slam him down. Pick him up again, and jam your left foot in. Now roll forward, over your right shoulder, lifting your left foot to pull your opponent over. As you go over, put your right arm under his right armpit and get a seatbelt grip. This is the most dominant position a judoka can get: haigo gatame.