BaffledExperts by Adam Norman

11: Dealing with difficult fighters

As a beginner, you are very likely to come up against some fighters you just can’t beat. Sometimes your opponent will be very good, and there’s not much I can do to help you with that. Sometimes your opponent will be merely huge or difficult to work with. There are ways to work around these problems. I'll do what I can.

But don’t believe any of the quasi-mystical garbage you’ll sometimes hear tossed around the dojo, stuff about how judo allows a smaller man to use leverage and energy to defeat larger opponents. Judo fighters say that, I think, to make little people feel like they have a sporting chance. The honest truth is this: little people hardly ever win in contests against large people. Sure, it happens—but not often. Most of the time, little guys lose. That's why we have weight classes in competition.

Last week I fought a member of my club, Jerry. He’s an older guy; he’s smart, fast, and great with the sweeps. He’s a black belt, and far better than I am. He worked his angles, tricked me, and caught me in a beautiful leg hook. I was teetering a little, so I picked him up, held him in the air by his lapels and told him to stop fucking around. The reality is simple: all other things being equal, a heavy guy always has the advantage.

The judoka around my dojo always say that one should fight size with speed. This is more mystical nonsense—myths of David and Goliath or children’s cartoons. I am not so big that I am noticeably slower. I do not lumber or wheeze or plod. My muscles are proportionate to my mass, and I move as quickly as anyone else with a similar ratio.

What little research has been done on this matter supports me. Almansba et al [1] compared the speeds of heavy and light judo fighters. Lightweights were faster on ippon seoi nages; heavyweights were faster at uchi matas. There was no significant difference with osoto gari, and such differences as did exist were quite small.

Their study suggested something that seems common-sense: if you’re small compared to your opponent, you can’t use your weight to throw him. Many judo throws require tori to use much strength or weight to throw. For example, tori has to bend uke over for uchi mata, and collide with uke for osoto gari. She needs to do much less for ippon seoi nage. ISN, and other technique-intensive throws are superior, then, for small people.

Unfortunately, you're not very good at judo. If you were, you would know better than to read this book. Since you can’t use your strength or technique to beat a monster (at least in the short run), you must fight like Odysseus fought the cyclops. You need to fight dirty, and you need to fight smart. Use wraps and counters.

Wraps
I hate wraps. I think they should be banned from the sport. They are dangerous throws, apt to separate arms from shoulders. They are relied on by the filthiest fighters with the worst technique.

That’s why you need them. It's easy to become filthy. It's hard to become good.

Let me say this again: these are dangerous throws, and so help me gods, if you ever, ever, try one of these on someone who is in or below your weight class or someone who is under 18, I will fly to whatever god forsaken, dusty, open-sewered shithole country you have fled to to escape the lawsuit, and I will challenge you to a judo fight in the street outside the whorehouse you are working in. When you step outside, I will run you over with a bus. Then I’ll back the bus up over your busted legs, and I will piss in your caked mouth as you beg for water. Is that clear?

The easiest wrap is osoto makikomi. To do it from a right-handed grip:

1. Step your left foot deep beside your opponent's right foot
2. As you step forward, reach your right hand over your opponent's right arm and grip his sleeve
3. Kick your right leg high behind your opponent, as if you are kicking a soccer ball, and
4. Swing it behind you as you turn to the left

Done well, this throw should look like osoto gari, but with a different grip. When it is done badly, though, it really excels. If your attack fails, plant your right foot and wind your body to the left, following your head. Keep turning and winding your opponent up until you drag your opponent to the ground.

A sacrifice counter: tani otoshi
In my dojo, more fights are won with tani otoshi than with all other throws combined. Tani otoshi is a side sacrifice counter. It is a totally lame throw, as it relies on your opponent committing to throw you. You only trick him. When he has come in and done all the work, you lean back and throw him over your ankle.

Start by standing there dumbly. Wait for your opponent to do something brave, like attempt ippon seoi nage. When he comes in (for a right side throw),

1. Twist to your left. (Your right side is trapped by him pulling on your right arm).
2. Stick your left leg out and sit down a bit
3. Apply principle 6 and hit him hard with a clothesline to the chest with your right arm.

The clothesline should push your opponent back and force him to fall over your extended leg. Try to redeem your reputation after doing such a sucky throw by securing a good hold down. It’s the least you can do.

Principle 8: Don’t be a lame-ass wuss.

Judo is a full contact sport. Losing can be hard on your body, and winning still hurts a lot. Still, don’t be a baby. Don’t stiff arm your opponent to keep him away. Don’t wait for him to come in so that you can win with a counter. Be a fighter. Develop courage.

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[1] Almansba, R. et al. “A comparative study of speed expressed by the number of throws between heavier and lighter categories in judo.” Science & Sports 23.3-4 (2008): 186-188.